Column | Enough of this patriotic rollercoaster

Readers, when it comes to young people, I have one simple policy: do whatever you want but don’t come near me. I only make exceptions for one group of youngsters: my children. They are allowed to approach me but no closer than 15 feet, unless prior permission is obtained in written form.

In fact, everyone of a certain age should have a “All the best but don’t come near me” approach me when it comes to the youth.

And what if the world of youth combines with the world of public officials? Then my simple advice is, turn in the opposite direction and run as fast as you can. Or take an Uber.

Earlier this week, I spotted a story in the media. All details are changed to avoid any legal complications.

The real story started some years ago when a youth cleared the entrance exam and became a public servant. Immediately, the news was reported as follows: “Humble youth from Bandra has joined public service, future of India looks bright, this is a great day for all Indians.”

There are more problems in this news headline than a copy of Problems in General Physics by I.E. Irodov.

First of all, finding a humble youth from Bandra is like finding an actual author at a literature festival. Possible, but not plausible. Once all the film stars, movie directors, fashion models, politicians, chefs, current sportspeople, retired sportspeople, business magnates, latest startup icons have all left, then maybe you will find an author cowering in the corner.

Secondly, how does the youth joining public service suddenly make our future bright? My friend, you think every other public servant in India started when they were 40 years old? Look around you. That traffic police fellow? Once a youth. The chief executive who just laid off 50,000 people due to an unavoidable business landscape before increasing their own salary due to unavoidable business landscape? That gentleman on the train who took your seat and then spent 45 minutes pretending like it was their seat before you gave up and stole someone else’s seat? All youth.

But back to the story. This uplifting youth from Bandra went on to become something of a celebrity. He was so popular that the government gave him special permission to deliver motivational speeches and online lectures on a variety of uplifting subjects such as, and I quote a news story, “…implementation of law, enhancing government flagship schemes, maintaining ethical conduct during employment, and fostering discipline and professionalism. He also taught about integrity and Civil Service exam preparation, emphasising honesty, transparency, and dedication upon entering the service”.

Is your heart soaring? Very good. Now please return your heart to normal location.

Because in June this year, this same youth was caught accepting a ₹10 lakh bribe from a local businessman. What is more, when officials from the raiding team checked his house, they found cash bundles worth another ₹50 lakh or so. Today you can find officially released photos of these bundles perfectly arranged on a bed in the officer’s quarters.

Friends, I hate this. You hate this. And it happens over and over again. Uplifting story of youth dedicating life to country; followed, a few months later, by uplifting story of same youth dedicating himself to a lifelong passion of collecting bed-sized stacks of currency notes.

So much so that I have decided that we need a new term in the English language for this emotional ride on the patriotic rollercoaster. And that word is: trollmodel.

Example sentence: “After six months of motivational speeches about integrity and service, he completed his trollmodel transformation when he was caught re-registering the indoor stadium in his mother’s name.”

Have you been betrayed by a trollmodel recently? I feel for you. Why not idolise newspaper columnists instead? Just a thought.

The writer helps early stage companies communicate better. He blogs at www.whatay.com.